Holding the Tension

Something changed in me when Renee Good was killed. It wasn't just one more act of violence among so many in the US - the school shootings, the sexual assaults, the humans trafficked, and the many like George Floyd suffocated. I haven't ignored these events. The pain penetrated. I empathized with the victims, families, witnesses, friends, and even the emptiness and pain of the perpetrators. Globally, the wars, the inhumanities of poverty and displacement, the suffering and terror, they battered my heart. Yet somehow, I continued to believe in goodness, study trauma, and work towards healing. That was until last week when Jonathan Ross fired four bullets, killing an unarmed woman who posed no threat. Until last week when the President of the United States defended this act. Until last week when our US government openly endorsed killing, bullying, and abuse to instill fear in people.

It was the straw that broke me... all the grief I had been carrying overflowed. The faith I held that the world was mostly full of good souls who were twisted in pain drained away.

At that moment, it became clear that the power-hungry, greedy elites and their wannabes are playing a game in which ordinary people are disposable, easily manipulated, and exploited. A game where we become the pawns pitted against each other for profit, entertainment, and distraction.

As a white cis woman, you might say I saw myself in Renee Good, and that is true. Or since my background is intertwined with the oppressors, I felt distanced from the pain of the oppression shown to me by my fellow BIPOC and LGBTQ+ folks. That is also true. What is now clear is that the gun is aimed precisely. The knee is on the neck of all who are deemed expendable to the elite. The veneer of protection and privilege, of a shared humanity that I have lived with all my life and consciously tried to extend to others, has been stripped away.

You might think this would be devastating - yes, it is. It is also liberating. The internal bargains I have made to avoid conflicts or hide my true self are surfacing and being discarded. No more bargains with the devil. No more compromises to belong or go along. The enforcer is unmasked both within and without, and I will not collude in my own or humanity’s demise. I am in the crosshairs and I am standing. It is a time of reckoning, both personally and collectively.

As synchronicity would have it, into this time of reckoning have walked 18 Most Venerable Buddhist monks with a message both simple and clear: peace begins within. Compassion and love are carried on the breath of this peace. What a cataclysm of feeling! As the blinders are stripped from my eyes, a humble monk walks into view carrying a flower.... for me...for you...for all of us.  A path of liberated action to counterbalance the aggressive forces unleashed on our streets. My heart is renewed. My body rooted into the earth. I take up the challenge to hold the tension of both realities: the paradigm of dominating power on the one hand and the paradigm of humble peaceful pilgrim on the other.

As you may know, Carl Jung believed that holding this tension enables the emergence of something new, a “third way” that transcends and integrates both realities.  The challenge is to consciously hold them without collapsing into fear or judgement. This demands that we engage in the profound task of actively waiting for an internal path to surface from the unconscious—an unknown but transformative wisdom.

As the violence in Minnesota and the Walk for Peace continue, we are all invited to hold this tension. In doing so, we create space for a deeper understanding and a new emergent consciousness to arise. This waiting is active, involving the awareness and releasing of old programming and social constructs, introspection, embodied feeling, practicing new behaviors, and remaining open to transformation both personally and worldwide.

Below, I outline four areas of tension I am currently experiencing, hoping you might join me in holding them. Reflection questions are included to further explore these tensions, increase self-awareness, and encourage our shared transformation.

If this doesn't resonate with you, let it go. We each progress according to our own unique journey which adds to the beauty and wholeness of our world.

	Violence In Minnesota	Walk for Peace
1	The word “FUCK” is in full use in conflicts with ICE agents in MN and across the US. It makes me think of the acronym “Fornication Under Consent of the King”. I wonder who is getting off on all this violence, pain, and hate? What does it serve? What rules have I learned to follow?	18+ Buddhist monks are “Making Love” across the Eastern US on their Walk for Peace. The gatherings are crowded, noisy, and policed and yet the atmosphere is permeated with love and goodwill. I wonder who benefits here? What is invited?
2	The violent protest footage shows a patriarchal expression of masculinity - about power and domination, void of empathy and respect. Is that in me too? Do I bully and dominate myself with my inner talk? Do I dominate others? When do I lack empathy or care?	The faces of the monks reflect a masculine that is healthy. Their action is determined, humble, powerful and takes great courage and strength. It is rooted in their presence and a commitment to peace. Their actions arise from within - from a heart-centered service. Can I see these traits in myself? What do I admire in them that I might deepen in my own actions? How am I moved?
3	The violent protest footage shows a disregard and diminishment of women and the feminine principle which encompasses a love of the collective good, a receptivity to inner guidance, and enacted interconnection. Instead of seeing and relating to each other, there is a projected “other/non-person” upon which violence can be enacted with an accompanied feeling of righteousness. When do I “other”someone? Where do I diminish my knowing and my self-relating? When do I feel righteous in thought or action?	The footage along the Walk for Peace captures the upholding and respect for the feminine principle. There is space for the vulnerable, and a welcome and care for the tender ones; children, disabled, elderly and those in pain. Each step is made with intention and a commitment for the care of all beings, including the monks themselves. When do I uphold the interconnection and care of others? Where do I make space for my vulnerability as well as others’? Am I tender with myself? With others?
4	I believe what is playing out here is the collective shadow of our human society with all its despair, disconnection and loss of soul. We have not grieved the pain and loss we endure living in a hierarchical, domination-based paradigm. We are coming to comprehend the totality of loss, and the possibility of healing. Where do I collude to survive?	This is the light of humanity shining within the trauma and bringing hope. We see the pain carried in love and the healing that enacted love can bring. The message the monks speak is to slow down, breathe and find peace within and then breathe it out to all beings. Suffering and compassion connect us. How have I cultivated presence and peace?  Can I choose peace every day?